Five
components or elements of Listening:

Look, Listen

The Other Person�s Experience

Acknowledgements are small fragments�words or
sentences�that attempt to verbalize what the talker is experiencing. They
show respect and acceptance for what the talker is experiencing even if your
experience is different. You go with rather than against the talker�s
experience. This lets the talker know that he/she has your attention and
understanding.

Points to keep in mind

More Information

Points to keep in mind

Ensure Accuracy

This demonstrates to the speaker that you have
accurately understood what he or she has said. It ensures that the message
has been accurately received, whether or not there is agreement. To
summarize:

Points to Keep in Mind

Avoid “I understand what you mean.” This
statement is often used to take charge of a conversation without real
understanding. Rather, demonstrate your understanding with an accurate
summary.

Open (focused) Questions

Student Pages

Attend:

Acknowledge:

Invite:

Summarize:

Ask:

Tips

Tips

Tip

• Attend
• Acknowledge
• Invite
• Summarize
• Ask

• Observe the talker�s non-verbal communication,
  which display shifts in posture, facial expressions and energy.
• Listen to his/her words, tone of voice, rate
  and volume of speech.

• Give the talker your full attention�listen with
  your mind and body.
• Stop other activity that is, or could appear to
  be, distracting.
• Take a deep but silent breath to help you shift
  from your previous activity into the present.
• Let the talker set the pace
• Mirror the talker (sit, stand etc. as she/he
  does)
• Make eye contact as you listen
• Watch for congruence or incongruence�the match
  between the person�s words and nonverbals
• What you hear and see the talker say and
  do�sensory data�become the basis for connecting with and understanding
  the talker.

• Reflect by comments such as: “It�s a big
  decision,” (thought), “You look excited,” (feeling), or
  “Doesn�t sound like you want that.” (want)
• Pay particular attention to and verbalize
  unstated feelings and wants the talker may have in your estimation, such
  as: sore spots�anger frustration; soft spots�fear, hurt, vulnerability;
  unfulfilled wants; blocked desires; hot spots�excitement.
• Watch the talker�s response for the accuracy
  and impact. When you have a good sense of what�s going on for the
  talker, he/she will likely be relieved, energized and grateful for your
  understanding.

• Most people want to be accepted as they are,
  and not seen as “inferior” is some way.
• Attending builds bridges toward bonding and
  collaboration.
• It helps you “walk in their shoes.”
• Acknowledging shows that you are truly
  listening.
• Acknowledging reduces the talker�s resistance
  by offering no resistance.
• Often acknowledging is all that is needed to
  connect and create understanding.

• To invite, say or do something to encourage the
  talker to continue spontaneously talking about whatever it is she or he
  wants to tell you. The effect is that the talker chooses where to go
  next.
• Inviting can be done as a gentle command: Tell
  me about it, or keep talking. Unfocused open questions: Anything else?
  or What more can you tell me? Statement: I�d like to hear more, This is
  hard for me to hear (statement), but go on. (command)
• Invite when: There is a pause, you feel the
  urge to react, disagree, or advise; you want to ask a question.
• Keep inviting�two, three or more times, until
  it seems clear that talker has nothing more to add. This is when you can
  ask questions or begin talking yourself.
• Sometimes the talker will say he or she has
  nothing more, or pause, and then will say: “But�” This could
  turn out to be informational gold.

• Keeps the person closest to the source of
  experience (issue, situation) doing the most talking.
• Get you deeper into issue or situation.
• Helps talker relax and develop trust.
• Gets to the issue as opposed to playing a
  guessing game.

• Repeat in your own words what you have just
  heard .
• Be complete, yet do not add or subtract from
  the message.
• Watch the talker�s response for signs that you
  are being accurate in your summary.
• Ask for confirmation or clarification.
• Recycle summary more than once if necessary to
  ensure accuracy.

• People like to be heard accurately.
• Interrupting to summarize is rarely seen as rude.
• Assures understanding before proceeding.
• A talker can ask for a summary without waiting
  for the listener to initiate.

• After the talker�s “story” is as
  complete as possible, you may want to fill in what you might see as
  missing information or clarify confusing parts with questions of
  “Who,” “What,” “Where,” “When,”
  and “How.” But don�t ask “why.” Why usually implies
  blame and raises defenses.
• In general, ask
  questions least and last.���������

LISTENING: