Interpersonal
Relationships

Cindy Byfield

COMM/102�� Communication Skills for Career Growth

Ron Siddell

�� David W. Johnson (1998) wrote, �Interpersonal
relationships are the heart and soul of human experience.� Interpersonal relationships are not only
necessary for procreation, but also for the survival of our society.�

�� In this paper on effective communication I
will discuss interpersonal relationships and some of the aspects that they may
have.� I will then conclude by
relating experiences from the interpersonal relationships in my life and how
they have established my heart and soul into who I am today.

�� Interpersonal
relationships are characterized as associations between two or more people
who are interdependent, and who depend upon patterns of interaction, and
these people have also interacted for a period of time.�� A couple that is dating, or married, two
close friends, a single parent and a child, or two co-workers make up an
interpersonal relationship.� There can
also be larger units of interpersonal relationships such as a family unit, or
social group.�� In these relationships
patterns often exist and have special significance that is not understood
outside the relationship, but they are understood between each of the
participants.� Some of these patterns
may a simple act such as coffee being made for co-workers in the morning, or
a certain wave good-bye to your children when dropping them off at
school.�

�� Interpersonal
relationships consist of more than just meeting someone on the street and
smiling at them.� The length of an
interpersonal relationship can vary and they take time to develop and may
last for several years or a few months.�

�� We
need interpersonal relationships to understand ourselves, others, our world
and to fulfill our needs.�� As we
strive to understand ourselves, we learn that the way we personally view
ourselves is not the way that other people perceive us.�� We tend to learn more about ourselves
when we listen to the impressions that other people have of us.�

�� Our
world can be a very diverse complicated environment and by establishing
interpersonal relationships we have the ability to break down many cultural
barriers.� By forming interpersonal
relationships with people from different cultures it can give us the ability
to survive in a complicated world.

�� Communication
affects the growth in our interpersonal relationships and visa versa; the
growth affects our communication with each other in our relationships.� Our relationships go through stages of
development and deterioration and this can bring the relationship to a more
intimate level or the relationship may be terminated, all this is
accomplished through communication.�

�� According
to Professor Mark L. Knapp of the University of Texas (1998) there are
interaction stages of a relationship.�
He believes that, �The first five stages cover relational development,
the process by which relationships grow,� and he also believes that, �The
second five stages occur during relational deterioration, the process by
which relationships disintegrate.�

I would now like to
elaborate on the first five stages of relational development.� The first stage is initiating,
and this involves your first impressions of the other person, if all goes
well you may pursue stage two of the relationship.� The second stage is experimenting, and in this
stage you have determined that you will find out more about the other person
and share information.� This
information may consist of the type of job you have, your hobbies or foods
you like.�� The third stage is intensifying,
and the people at this stage will get more intimate and comfortable with each
other.� The fourth stage is integrating,
and the social circles of the relationship tend to merge together, and they
begin to have common resources.� The
fifth stage of developing a relationship is bonding and this
will bring a commitment from each of the partners.� This can include marriage, starting a family or purchasing a
home.�

�� Now
I would like to highlight on the five stages of relationship
deterioration.� The first stage in
this category is differentiating.� This occurs when the activities in the relationship become
separated for the reason gaining space from the other partner.� The second stage is called circumscribing,
and this is explained when often the people in the relationship spend little
time together in private, but attend social functions together.�� This can bring separation to the
relationship even further.� The third
stage is stagnating and this suggests lack of action between
the partners.� Conversation becomes
uncomfortable and the individuals may find other ways to fulfill their needs
of sharing.� The fourth stage is avoiding,
and this occurs when one person in the relationship does not care to
interact. The conversations at this stage may be negative and hurtful to the
other person.�� The final stage to
relationship deterioration is termination.� Divorce, moving out, or just distancing
oneself from the other person in the relationship can do this.�

�� In
the development or deterioration stages of a relationship individuals do not
have to move through these levels one-by-one in systematic order, but they
may jump around from level to level or skip some stages all together.� This is because every relationship
develops in a different way, and regular maintenance is needed to maintain a
relationship at its maximum level.�

�� The
preceding paragraphs pages are filled with some of the aspects and
descriptions of interpersonal relationships and I would now like to focus on
the interpersonal relationships in my own life and how they have helped in my
life.� Some of my relationships have
been terminated, but I have still learned from each and every relationship.

I have many different
relationship roles that I play each and everyday in my life.� I have the role of mother, wife, student,
friend, and co-worker.� Each of these
roles has functioned at molding my personality into who I am today.�

The role of mother differs
from that of a wife.� As a mother I
tend to be nurturing and it gives me the element of control that I need to
sustain my relationship on a healthy level.��
My children want affection on a daily basis and I always supply this
with hugs and kisses in our daily rituals.��
As a wife I share with my husband our basic daily tasks, our dreams
for the future, and our hopes of what life may bring.� We communicate easily with each other, and
constantly work on maintaining our relationship.�� As a student I like to interact with other students who have
the same goals.� This gives me the
ability to stay in school and feel connected to succeed.�� As a friend I strive to make sure that
the needs of empathy, companionship and communication are always given.� My best friend to this day is from middle
school, we relate very well with each other, and interestingly enough, we
both married men who were best friends growing up and remain best friends today.� My role as a co-worker is very complementary.� I work in a very diverse office and
therefore, when someone in our office is short of a goal, other people make
up for the gap.� I strive to make sure
that the needs of my bosses are taken care of on a daily basis, and in turn I
am treated with respect and dignity.

I have been as most
people, in relationships that have flourished and relationships that have
terminated.�� I can identify with each
stage of the relationship process.�� I
remember the initiation stage of a relationship, looking around a crowded
room and thinking about the personalities of each individual in that
room.� Sometimes these impressions
would move onto experimenting and sometime they would terminate with my first
impression.�� The experimenting stage
to me can sometimes be very uncomfortable, not knowing if I am saying the
right thing or not.� As relationships
that I have been in intensify there has been effort on both parts for the
relationship to move ahead, this was done over a period of time, and the
uncomfortable feeling of the relationship began to disappear.� When integrating with relationships it is
easy to start to look and act like each other.� As I was growing up I would often look at couples that had been
together along time and think how much they looked like each other.� My grandparents will be celebrating their
70^th wedding anniversary this month and they evolved into looking
very much alike.�� Bonding is the
final stage in some relationships, and I believe that bonding occurs more
than in just married couples.�� Such
as my best friend and I are always there for each other know matter what the
circumstance.�

I have also been a part of
relationships that have deteriorated.��
My ex-husband and I had a relationship that came from two totally
different cultures and it was tough.��
I remember when my ex-husband and I were starting to split up, how
much differentiating occurred.�� His
career became his life and my job became my life, and I would use the
workplace as a place to socialize and participate in activities that were
separate from my ex-husband.� We had a
lot of decreased interaction, and we would often do certain events together
just so that we could save face but in reality we did nothing
together.� My ex-husband found an
outlet elsewhere for him to relate and communicate in his career.� At the end of our relationship avoidance
was very prevalent.� It was very
uncomfortable living under the same roof, yet avoiding each other at all
costs.� Our relationship terminated,
and I learned a lot about my own personality changes through that
relationship, some good and some bad.��

�� In
conclusion I would say that everybody needs interpersonal relationships and
that they are very important to your health.�
Dr. Cheryl Richey from the University of Washington (1998) says,
�Research has shown that people who do not have strong support from friends
and family live shorter lives and suffer more from stress.�� I look at my immediate family and
relatives and they have longevity in life, many of them live late into their
90�s and I know that this is because we have strong support from family and
friends.

�As I get older and I start to think about the relationships that
I have had and the personal history that they have created and the changes
they have brought into my life, and as I enter new relationships now, I focus
on the things that I want from the relationship and the things that I don�t
want out of the relationship, and at times I can be fearful of what I expect
from the relationship.�� I
appreciated the blessings that relationships bring now more that I did when I
was younger, and I strive to understand why my life moves through different
relationships as it does.�� I have
also learned that the extra effort that I invest towards a relationship
brings far greater rewards towards the end result of the relationship.

��

Johnson, D. (1998).� Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and
Self-Actualization.��

�� Needham
Heights: Allyn & Bacon.

Pearson, J.C. & Nelson, P.E. (1998).� An Introduction to Human Communication.

�� McGraw-Hill

Richey, C. (1998, September).� Friends Are Good For Your Health.� Health Beat, 1

��

References